All the good things that make me feel like the American dream is flourishing stronger than ever always arise inside me whenever there is a school function. Each parent has something in common with the next; they probably live close-by one another, they work hard so their kids don't have to worry, and they probably are hoping that the next parent is raising their kid to not be a jackass/bully/tramp.

I feel a little older these days, as I don't think I could hula-hoop, and passed on the opportunity to take part in a watermelon eating contest. Actually all the parents did after seeing the kids do it first and make themselves sick...